It seems impossible to condense the diverse experiences of married life into just 140 characters or less. But somehow these husbands and wives did it ― and with humor too!
Below, 27 marriage tweets that are right on the money.
Wife: I’m going to wine down
Me: You mean wind down
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 20, 2017
“You see, when a man loves a woman very, very much, he makes her coffee,” I explain to my kids while looking at my husband.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) February 17, 2017
WIFE: the dishwasher still needs to be emptied
ME: oh I didn’t realize
MICROWAVE: he knew
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) March 16, 2017
Wife: *breathy whisper* Do you want to take my shirt off?
Me: *breathy whisper* I’m not wearing your shirt
— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski) April 10, 2017
Before marriage, men would wander parking lots aimlessly because they had no one to point out the open spots.
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) March 26, 2017
You’d think my husband would like it when my 8yo beatboxes as I do the robot but NOOOO he’s on a “conference call” and we’re “distracting.”
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) March 7, 2016
wife: Drive safe
wife *sends text*
wife *sends another text*
wife *sends another text asking why I’m not responding to her texts*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) April 10, 2017
Marriage is about sitting down and discussing our options like adults until we can both agree on my original opinion.
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 25, 2017
WIFE: Now stick to the list, okay?
ME: I will.
WIFE: What the hell?
[6 puppies run by]
ME: Relax, they were on sale, Karen.
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) March 30, 2017